your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Your penis caused this!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize