his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
