he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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