as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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