I wish I could teleport
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
