just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize