when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
