you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
