Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
