I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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