oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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