That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
