Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
