So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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