she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
