the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
