remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
