you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
