u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
