THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The air was thick with penises
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Fuck me I smell like cheese
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
