I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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