i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
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