i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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