I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
