Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
