I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You can't special order awesome
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
