I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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