I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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