Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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