My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Randomize
