he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The ass gains better be worth it
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