Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
