We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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