I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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