Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
