i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
