I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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