what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
