Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
