just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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