I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
