My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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