What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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