You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
