I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
