i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
