Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Can you bring me the toilet please
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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