It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
