thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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