A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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