i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
