I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
