My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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